Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Learning to Let Go

I have been trying hard to have more self-control over my feelings and emotions. I really struggled yesterday. Baily woke up in a bad mood and Mya was super fussy and poopy all day. I could feel myself becoming someone and having bad feelings that I didn't want to. So I prayed with all my heart for strength to overcome these feelings and emotions and have control over them. In my scripture reading I read one of my favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon- 2 Nephi 4... Nephi's Psalm. I can relate to that chater so personally and it's so uplifting and edifying. The day didn't get much easier but I felt much better and much more in control of my actions.
While the girls were sleeping I made the treat and planned our combined FHE with Robert's family. I made some peanut butter bars that were quite tasty. Baily loved them. I also stayed busy preparing the meal which is good but a lot of work- beef stew and home-made rolls. During this time I had some time to think a lot. I consider myself to be a very respectable person. I also enjoy my privacy. So when someone is not resectful to me or my privacy it gets my blood boiling- like when people just take food without asking me or going into our room and borrowing something without asking. I don't mind if people ask me but I hate it when they don't. Well I thought someone had done something of that sort and it bothered me all day. After I found out I was wrong I realized how much of my peace and own brain cells I wasted worrying and being angry over this. So I'm really trying to let things go- for my own sake. I can't be in control of everything all the time and I just need to realize that some people aren't respectful and it's going to be ok. It's really hard living in this situation that we do but I need to be grateful that we do have a home to live and food for people to take instead of being homeless or hungry. I'm embarrassed to even admit that I have this weakness but I really am working on it. I think it's a lesson of faith and patience I need to learn and I figure that faster I learn it the quicker we'll be able to find a way to move out.
We had a really good FHE last night. Dinner was really good and after we were all satisfied we had our lesson. It was about how we live in a land of freedom and the many freedoms we need to be thankful for. After we talked about that we talked about the soldiers fighting for our freedom and how we need to be grateful for them. Robert's sister's husband is in Afghanistan with the Army right now so we all wrote him a letter to express our gratitude. Then we made special prayer rocks to remind us that when we pray we need to remember to pray for our soldiers and to thank Heavenly Father for our freedom. Then we all ate those yummy peanut butter bars.
On a sadder note, Robert's Tio (Uncle) Frank passed away early this morning around 2. He's been sick for a while and although I'm sure he was relieved to be free from the pain and suffering his family will miss him very much. I didn't know him all too well but from what I did know he was so sweet and loving. Robert and his mom went over to their house around 2:30 until about 5:30 this morning so he's home from work today. We're supposed to go do sealings at the temple for Stake Temple day but I don't know if we'll make it because his mom has a lot to take care of and may not be able to watch the girls. I'm excited to have Robert home today though and spend some extra time with him!


Becca said...

Something was up Monday, because my kids were on one and so was I. We all woke up on the wrong side of the bed and were grouchy all day. When I put my kids down for bed I prayed that I'd wake up on the right side of the bed, it was bad. I jokingly told brad, "what's going on? Is there going to be full moon tonight or something?" Lo and behold.....full moon. I laughed so hard. My mom swears it messes with people. Just wanted to let you know you weren't the only one struggling with having happy feelings! Sorry for you and Robert's loss. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you guys. Love ya!

Alex said...

With every tragedy and adversity in life, there is always a little silver lining. We always have to be able to find it. I'm really excited about going down on Friday. Love you, sista!