I seriously need help. Why is that if I can't do something perfectly I won't do it all. Like my running. I started off great, even got a great running partner to hold me more accountable and because I got sick and missed 2 days last week I got discouraged because the program hadn't been followed "perfectly" so I have not gone this week and have lost my motivation. WHY?! And the same with my healthy eating plan. Also I've been doing so good about keeping on my routined and keeping my goals but I slack for one day and I get discouraged and it turns into like a week of slacking- right when I've finally got caught up from the last cycle of slacking. It's so frustrating. It's like this with everything in my life and somehow it's got to stop. Any suggestions?! I found this from a blog (link below) and it was like I was reading a description of myself:
"I found it! I found the label that fits me exactly! I am a "discouraged perfectionist". What is a discouraged perfectionist? Well, in our Bible Study on parenting last night we spent time covering a book about birth order. In the book, they suggest that 'only children' and 'oldest children' will likely fall into the trap of "discouraged perfectionist" because they realize that they aren't perfect...which isn't acceptable to them...and so instead of not being perfect they just won't try. The book suggested that the discouraged perfectionist would live in a mess, have a life that was unorganized, appear to be flaky, and wait until the last possible second to do work. All of that is me. I found it rather refreshing to have a name to put with my issues!"
It's either all or nothing with me and I can't keep living this way. When I'm on, life is great. I'm an awesome mom, wife, friend, LDS member and so on and so forth. But when I'm off, I'm OFF! I get so discouraged and caught up in self-pity and guilt that I shut off from pretty much all my responsibility and everyone around me. As I've thought about times in my past when I've been depressed I can always relate it to guilt for not being the perfect person I should be and living up to the potential I know I have. I know I've got gifts and talents but if I can't execute them perfectly, I feel they're useless in my warped little mind. When I get like this my house gets messy, my kids don't get as much attention as they deserve, my husband doesn't get the care and love and attention he deserves, everything seems to fall apart. Why am I like this?! I seriously need help. My husband, kids, family and I deserve better. Any suggestions?! (So needless to say, Wednesday was not a very good day.)
#282- Joaquin's sweet, dimply cheekies!