Friday, November 16, 2007
Farewell Sweet Mya!
So yesterday started out ok but ended up feeling like a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." After blogging all morning I went in to tend to Baily and she looks at me and says "oh mom... I'm so glad to see you." She cracks me up. I don't know where she comes up with the things she says. She totally catches me off guard all the time. Anyway we took Robert to work so I could have a vehicle during the day. Things were going fine until I got the call from my husband that he got the call from the auto shop. It's not good news. Not at all. It turns out our transmission's completely shot and it's only a mere $2700 to fix. What the... !?! Is our car even worth that much? There's no possible way we can afford that... no way possible at all. So I was really bummed but for some reason it didn't really hit me. I felt a weird sense of peace and calm that we'll work things out somehow and it'll be fine. As the day goes along I realize how tired and exhausted I am. Baily was not naughty yesterday, just very busy. She didn't want to listen to me when I asked her to do or to not do something which can get very hard to handle. Slowly then quickly the stress started to build up. I realized I partially lost it when I started crying and praying and Baily is like "mom what's the matter? stop crying." Then Mya was picked up for the last time and I was surpized by how sad I was. I hadn't realized how much she's grown on me. She really is a sweet girl. I'm gonna miss her and the extra money. I just can't take care of her now... it's too hard. As soon as she gets picked up I strap Baily in the van and we head off to Wal-Mart. I stopped at Sonic to get some snacks and a drink hoping it will help keep Baily at bay during the long shopping trip. I am so tired and exhausted at this point from all the Friday pay day chores and trying to keep Baily entertained and being stressed about our car situation. I realized later that my problem was I started losing faith and being fearful. But I'll get to that in a minute. So we're in the store and Baily refuses to sit in the top part of the cart- she has to sit in the main part. Then she refuses to keep the drink up in the top part- she has to hold it. Fine... whatever. I'm not in the mood to deal with a tantrum in the middle of the store. I just want to get my shopping done. Pick your battles right? So as I'm getting some soap Baily tips over the large Dr. Pepper and as I go to pick it up the lid comes off and it spills all over the floor. I go to find an employee to tell them what happened and as I'm going I hear a lady say "get a hold of your kid..." and rolls her eyes. That was it. Instead of being mad and defensive like I usually would I felt defeated. I felt like a horrible mom who looked like crap, who had a kid that I couldn't control and I just start crying. It's so embarrassing and I tried to hold it in but by this time the volcano of my emotion had erupted. I felt like total crap... which is worse than regular crap by the way. So I finish up getting my non-food items and I'm out of there. Seriously, Baily was not the problem. It was me. I need to learn to live by faith and not fear. I know this whole car issue is gonna be fine and that we're being tested- a trial of faith. I can't let things get to me like they do. I need to stand fast and immovable- ready for when the storms of life come at me- ready to stand faithful and true. I realized and pondered all these thoughts on my way to pick up Robert from work. By the time he's off I think I cooled down a lot. I had the impression as I was praying for help that what would really help me is to do some sort of service for someone. I was thinking about how nice it would have been for someone to help me out in the store and then I thought, well someone out there must need help like I do. So I prayed and asked Heavenly Father, who needs my help? Let me help someone so that I can feel better. After we get Robert we drive by a car dealership to take a gander, stop and get a pizza (at Baily's dire request) and go home. I was already feeling better from my prayers and thoughts and just from the way my hunny always makes me feel better. When we get home we find out that Robert's sister had not come yet to pick up her boys and Robert's mom which is very odd since it was about 9 and she's usually here by 7. No one's heard from here or can get a hold of her. We're all a little worried and I realize I'm gonna try to help. So I got the number to her work, called and found out she was on a transfer (she works at the prison) and wasn't able to get a hold of anyone. We all felt better to know she was ok. I realize she wasn't even gonna make it out here to pick everyone up until like 10:30 or so and then by the time she got back home (she lives in Queen Creek) it would be around 11, 11:30ish. So I offer for us to take them to her house so she doesn't have to drive all the way here and back. I felt bad for poor Baily being stuck in the car for so long but she was a trooper. And as tired as I was it felt so good to forget about myself and my worries and help someone else out. We stopped at the store and got some snacks and movies but by the time we got home and I hit the bed I was out. Things are hard right now but I'm gonna be faithful and pass this trial of faith. And I'm so grateful for the principle of service and of "forget yourself and go to work."