SOS

Yesterday... wow. I was defnitely on emotional overload and sent many cries for help to Heavenly Father. I know it had to have been a bad hormone day because I didn't even feel like I had hardly any control of how I was feeling or acting. I knew it was going to be a tough day for me about an hour after I woke up. Baily was not in a happy mood and once again the back pain was horrible. Even though I didn't have Mya I still had Tyler to take care of. Usually it's not a problem but with my back hurting so bad it just makes it rough with 2 little ones. Baily was pretty fussy and naughty all day and for some reason only took a 20 minute nap again. It was probably too noisy around the house for her to sleep since Bryan and Andre were home from school early and all they do is fight and yell at each other. After Robert got home I left to pick up Zach and Kenzie. I had been planning this sleepover/Halloween party for them for over a week and have been so excited for them to have this fun night with me. I was so stressed and I just prayed the whole way on the way to pick them up that I would be able to calm down and have more control over my emotions. I really wanted this to be a special, fun time for them.

When I picked them up they were so excited. We went by my house and picked up Robert then we headed to Freestone Park. Zach loves going to the skate parks and we saw the other day that Freestone had one of these that's not all ghetto like the other one's we've been to. Unfortunately the playground area's not close to the skating area. So I told Zach he could have 15-20 min. at the park only if he agreed not to complain when it was time to leave and take forever. He was bummed that the time was limited but he quickly agreed after I threatened him that he wouldn't get any time at all. So while he was skating his little heart out the rest of us... or them I should say, just played around in the field. It was a nice day and they had fun. Kenzie had some drama when she scraped her knee but when I told her that I would have to take her home if it was "hurting sooo bad" it amazingly got better all the sudden. It's funny how that works. After we left there we took them all to play at the playground area for a while and they all seemed to have a blast. And yes... Baily is filthy in these pictures and her hair's a total mess. Did I mention I was feeling crappy and my back hurt like heck? Even when she's filthy though I still think she's dang cute!

So that part of the day was a success. After we got home my hormones were out of control and my stress level was so high once again. I was in a rush to get dinner made and trying to keep the kids happy and entertained. I managed to get dinner made while I let them make a fort in the living room. All the kids ate real well- they were so hungry. After we all ate and I cleaned up which was so very painful for me I sat them all down to watch the spooky movies I rented for them. This is when I lost it. My nephew went to go color and since he wasn't sitting and watching the movie Kenzie wanted to go color... then Baily did. I was not in the mood to supervise them and really just wanted them to sit and enjoy the movies I got for them. But it's not just my house and it's not just us who lives here. So even though Bryan got to do what he wanted Kenzie and Baily were mad that I was making them sit and watch the movie- it really wasn't fair but there wasn't much I could do about it. When I went to go get a breather in my room and I had to come back I slammed the door ( I have a problem of doing this when I'm stressed out) and so then Robert thought I was mad at him. He was frustrated with me because I wouldn't tell him what was wrong. I know that must be annoying but sometimes I need to just calm down and try to clear my head before I talk about how I'm feeling or I'll just be a crying, sobbing mess. Well then I was more stressed that Robert was thinking I was mad at him when I wasn't. At this point the flood gates were opened in my mind and everything hard and stressful in my life all surfaced at once. I hate when this happens. I started missing my mom like crazy and being mad at Utah that she wasn't here, I was feeling guilty and like a horrible mom and sister for not being cheerful and for yelling and being grumpy instead, I was mad that my back hurt so bad and blah, blah, blah. So I went in the bathroom (meanwhile the kids are all sitting nicely watching Hocus Pocus) and just cried it out and pleaded with Heavenly Father for peace and comfort and strength. I felt a little better and came back out and finished watching the movie with the kids. I put Baily to sleep and came and put on the movie Casper for them and about 10 minutes into they were passed out. I know they noticed that I was having a rough time but I really hope that despite my emotions they had a good time. Today was much better but I'll post about that later. Sorry about the whininess but I can't just highlight the good things about my life in my blog or it wouldn't be honest. I'm so grateful for prayer... how do people get through life without it I wonder!?