Wednesday, July 23, 2008

When one door closes...

Tuesday July 22, 2008
Tuesday was a bit of a rough day. First, my niece and I decided to give up soda (yeah, I know... I "gave up" soda a long time agon when I had the baby- let's just say I've fallen off the wagon) with a goal of absolutely no soda until her wedding which is September 20. If one of us gives in and drinks soda we have to pay for the other to get her nails and pedicure done for the wedding. I'm bound and determine to win this bet but I gotta tell ya- my head is screaming at me and I want one sooo bad. Just the withdrawals I'm going through is proof enough that I'm addicted and addiction is not good in any form so I have to stick with this. So sadly my poor kids, mostly Baily, suffered with my grouchiness and snappiness. I hate that. They deserve so much better than I've been with them. And PMS doesn't help either. Poor kids:( However, I did make a re-commitment to start reading every day in the Book of Mormon. Yes, I've fallen off the wagon with that as well. Have I mentioned that I've been out of it and struggling lately? I've never had a problem with being diligent in reading my scriptures before- like it was never hard for me once I felt committed, but lately it's just been a struggle for me and I hate that too. I feel like such an idiot because I know- I really, really know- that when I diligently read my scriptures my life is so much easier and I have so much more peace. It's not that there aren't any trials and life's as easy as pie and everything goes perfectly, I am just more able to handle them and more alert and in tune with the Spirit. It's common knowledge, primary children know this. So why is it so hard for me? I need to get out of this rut that I'm in. But yeah, I re-started with a goal of finishing by November 20 (now the 21st since I'm writing this on Thursday and I missed Wednesday.. idiot!) with reading 2 chapters a day. It's totally doable and I will succeed. So during the day I got a call from Robert telling me there was bad news. I haven't mentioned this before but Robert had been in the midst of interviewing for an amazing job in Wisconsin. My dad and step-mom and other family live up there and this was just a dream opportunity. Everything happened in such a way that I was sure this was meant to be (Robert getting the job and us moving up to Wisconsin). I even considered turning down my calling because I thought we would be moving within the month. He's been in the interviewing process since we left for Utah in June and everything had been going so well. Well we found out on Tuesday that he didn't get the job. We were both so disappointed. And probably Robert more than me... he wanted this job so badly. My heart aches for my husband because I see how hard he's trying to get a new job and get us out of this situation that we're in and how much he hates his job and I just feel so bad for him. I'm so grateful for how hard he's trying and how hard he works to support us everyday. When I called my dad to give him the bad news I knew they would be disappointed as well. They were just as excited at this opportunity than we were because they want so badly to be close to us. But instead of showing his disappointment my dad just told me not to worry about it, to keep trying, told me how much he loved us and was proud of us and made sure that I didn't lose faith. All my life he's told me that when one door closes another one always opens. Sometimes it's hard because it feels like lately we've just had about 40 doors slammed in our face and we're still waiting on that one door to be open but we just gotta keep the faith. I was really grateful for that phone call from my dad and his wisdom and encouragement. We just gotta keep our heads up and have faith. It's hard but we have to. And even though I know it was hard for Robert he seems to be staying positive and hopeful and I'm grateful for that.
366 Blessings:
#204- My dad making sure I never lose faith

1 comment:

Sara said...

I have given up DP so many times, it's not even funny! I can give it up for several months, but somehow it always seems to creep back into my life. I feel your pain, babe!