Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Overwhelmed!

** Prepare yourselves for some venting. Ok... so I am so overwhelmed at this point in my life right now. I know it sounds lame, and I've realized through my feeling this way that I'm major OCD, but I'm going crazy with how far behind my blog is. It's seriously making me mental. And it's not just my blog. I'm behind on my house cleaning, my planner and goals, having my house unpacked and organized and decorated, most important of all- my mom's cards and letters and who knows what else. I seriously just need one day off, from my kids whom I adore but they won't let me have 2 minutes to myself, to just get things caught up and feel sane again. I'm frustrated that I don't live close to any of my family because I know they would help me out and give me some sane time. I'm gonna ask Robert to see if his mom can watch my kids for just one day while he's at work so that would give me a full day to get things done without having to start something and having to stop 3 minutes later to get a snack, wipe a nose, change a diaper, nurse, wash hands, hold and entertain... you know how it is. Even at night time when I think I'll have some me time, some quiet time- yeah, not so much. I'll just be getting into a blog post or updating my planner when my son needs to be nursed or Baily decides to wake up and demands that I lie down with her or she won't sleep. I love my blessing of being a stay at home mom- I do. But can a sister please just get ONE DAY OFF?! Just one day... that's all I'm asking. But here's how much of a freak I am. I know if I get this chance, Robert's mom watching my kids for a day, I will be getting things done all the time feeling guilty about not spending every second of my life with my kids and worrying that Joaquin won't take a bottle or Baily will be naughty and get in trouble (why is it that I can be mad at her and discipline her [which I do still feel a little guilty about] but when someone else does it it kills me?) or if they get hurt and I'm not there to help them. Can you say anxiety and someone get me some Prozac?! Ho hum... Even though I would be anxious I still think it would be worth it for my mental health and the overall vibe of my household for me to get a day off and just get caught up. When I feel caught up I feel great. I can keep on top of things, I feel motivated and I'm super successful and productive. But if I'm behind on something I just get overwhelmed and frustrated and crabby. It's not good I tell you. So really, I just need to get caught up on the things that are eating at me the most (ie. my blog and my unpacking) and I will be a whole new woman. I don't understand why I can't just let things go and not stress about them and pick up where I left off and not have the constant feelings of guilt, inadequacy and failure instead of being such a dang perfectionist. Oh yeah, that's right... I'm a woman. Ok. I think I'm done now. Thank you for "listening" to the ramblings of an overwhelmed, lunatic mom. That felt good.

7 comments:

Emily Loria said...

I think everyone needs a day off to catch up, I know I do. Today I trapped the kids outside for an hour so I could clean the house without someone undoing it!

Malissa said...

Me too. You need to stop trying to "catch up" your blog, and just blog your thoughts as time permits. It shouldn't be something to stress you out, otherwise it's going to burn you out, and you'll wanna quit. I'm not perfect...by any means...but maybe try setting daily goals. Today, focus on the one thing that makes you most crazy....like unpacking...conquer all the unpacking first, then move on to scrubbing the toliet, or whatever! But don't overwhelm yourself...who cares if it's not ALL done! Pace yourself and set some daily goals...good luck. Call me!

Eric and Addie said...

Sarah- your post sounds so much like me it's insane. I feel like I have the mental capacity of a 12 year old who can't handle any responsibility. And I am feeling you on sending your kids off for the day and then you constantly are worrying if they are ok. Like we (the moms) are the only ones who can help? I know it helps if you get that needed break not only for you but your kids will probably have a nice time. Even if you just sent the oldest for a day and kept your baby. Good luck!! I'm right there with you.

Julie said...

I agree with Malissa one thing at a time, I still am tring to stick to my "TALL ORDER" chart that I saw on Nanny Jo, remove all none important and just focus on today not the past one day at a time. Aaron helps me by taking Gigi to the park for an hour, I am amazed what I can do in an hour, I turn off the tv, phone and computer and focus, crazy what I little hour will do. Being a mom is the most demanding job, give yourself credit for what you DO:)

Becca said...

Ah....the joys of motherhood. Send your kids to your mother in laws and have a break. Sometimes when I need a breather after the kids are in bed I'll sneek off by myself while Brad is at home with the kids and go through a drive thru of some kind and enjoy my treat in the parking lot. It's nice to be able to eat something without someone climbing on you or asking for bites. I know my time away doesn't magically do my house work, but I come home feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the world. Occasional time away makes you a better wife and mother. It does wonder for my stress level. :)

jes said...

i feel ya! lately i feel there is just too much to do! it does get crazy! but letting even one of your kids go somewhere helps so much! i'm lucky to have my sister next door, so she'll take breck for a bit, and i'll take her little girl. they help to keep eachother occupied! and it helps us out also. really make a reasonable to do list, and just work on one thing at a time, and it feels so good to cross one off. you're more motivated to tackle the rest! good luck! sorry about the novel! know you're not alone!

Tamie said...

every woman just needs that time to herself, even if the end result is for her family (ie housework)
it is a difficult adjustment adding another little body to the family mix...hang in there...you'll adjust, even if right now you want to tear your hair ou (been there: done that!)
hopefully Robert will be able to get his mom to come and help with her grandbabies....