Thursday, May 09, 2013

Need to get this out of my system...

So tired of people being disappointed in me and getting pulled in so many different directions.  I am one person, I am not a super hero and I am trying my best.  I'm not perfect and I'm very aware of that.  Please stop telling me I'm not trying hard enough or to "just get over" my issues.  Believe me, if it were that easy it would have been done.  Despite what some may think I don't talk about my problems because I love a good pity party and as a call for attention (at least, not the attention for praise).  I do post personal things for the kind of attention such as a call out for help so I don't do something stupid.  It's not for attention so I can think about how awesome I am and boast in myself.  I am trying so hard to "choose not to be offended" because I know that is the Lord's way.  I know I am so blessed and I'm sorry if some have chosen to be offended by me because of my complaints.  But once again, I'm not perfect, I've never claimed to be and I'm just trying to do my best.  Some days that simply means not giving up on my life.  If I annoy you or bother you, please just simply ignore me.  I am trying.  I am sorry if my efforts are not good enough but I'm tired of trying to please everyone.  I am working on issues, getting help. I am being proactive about trying to get better.  I know my posts may lead some to believe I'm just wallowing in self-pity with a "woe is me" attitude but that is not the case.  Sometime I just wish people could spend a few hours in my head so they could understand.  I wish they could spend a week in my shoes so they can see the efforts I am making to win the battles in my mind.  I'm sorry if it doesn't look like I'm doing enough from your point of view but once again, I am trying.  I'm not being passive and unproductive and lazy.  I truly believe one of my spiritual gifts is that I am non-judgmental.  I am compassionate.  I wish some people who are well-meaning and think they are helping me with tough love would just stand back and try to see things from my perspective.  Stop pushing me.  I'm so tired of feeling like my efforts are never enough.  I am just so tired... How grateful I am for a Savior who I know loves me and understands exactly what I'm going through.  I pray for the strength to never give up and to get things figured out and that I will be able to be a righteous wife, mother and live up to my potential.  That's what I strive for, that's what I want out of my life, even if that's not how you see me.

2 comments:

Sue said...

Just be you. Take in constructive criticism and then do what you want to with it. Ignore the negative stuff that's only meant to bring you down. Remember that there will ALWAYS be people critical of you (either personally, or about the things you hold dear). Just keep scrolling and don't let it get to you. I know from experience that people who choose to point out their thoughts on your (perceived) flaws are usually in the middle of something themselves that they are hiding and don't want in the open. Just be you.... and if you share, it's a good thing. Our lives should be an open book and we should not fear or be ashamed of our journey if it is toward righteous endeavors (which I believe yours are, of course . *hug*

Tanya Johnson said...

Sarah I say be you...If these people don't like it then that's is an issue THEY have. Don't try to make everyone happy, make YOU happy and everyone and everything will fall where it should. :)