Update Please!

Wow... it's been like 3 months since I last posted. And to tell the truth it's been about 3 months since I've done anything even remotely productive. My lame excuse but excuse nonetheless is that I'm 11 weeks pregnant and the last 3 weeks or so I've been pregnant with a vengeance. I've been so sick that I've lost about 16lbs. Now under any other circumstances I would not complain about losing 16lbs. But I've actually felt much better the past two days so I'm praying that the "morning"... ahem "all freaking day long" sickness is coming to an end. I was much worse with Baily and actually lost 27lbs. the first 12 weeks with her so this pregnancy's not as bad. I stopped getting sick with her right at 12 weeks on the spot so maybe I'm lucky and getting away with stopping being sick at 11 weeks. That's my prayer anyway. Not only have I been sick but I've had about as much energy as a peanut and been just about as productive as a peanut. It's miserable. I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful supportive husband who's understanding and not impatient. But why is it I feel bad when he helps out with laundry and cleaning instead of feeling grateful. It drives me crazy! I have felt so worthless and like I haven't accompished anything and it makes me want to scream. Oh and the emotions and hormones... holy cow! I cry at the dumbest things and get so irritated at the dumb things and by the time I react and get crazy and mad I'm like what the heck is wrong with me. It's horrible. Ok... sorry about the venting. I just had to get all that out. Despite the pregnancy woes I am so excited to have another baby again! Robert had finally accepted the reality that I'm pregnant and I think he's over the fear of me miscarrying again so he's pretty excited too. He just doesn't show his emotions like I do. Baily on the other hand isn't quite as excited. Whenever there's baby talk she holds up her little finger to her mouth and says "shhh..." It's so funny. She's getting better about it though. I have a strong feeling it's a boy, Robert won't say what he thinks, my mom says a girl and everyone else is about the same. So I can't wait to find out. We had our first appointment with my new Ob/Gyn Dr. Beck last week and it was awesome. To my surprise he did an ultrasound and we saw the baby perfectly. It was moving around like crazy which can possible attest to my vows that I swear I have already felt this baby move around. It's not specific movements like a kick... just movement that I know isn't gas. I know it sounds crazy but it's true... I have felt this baby already! I'm also huge already. Most of the belly is fat but the difference is that now I can't suck it in and poofs out like a marshmallow. I look 5 or 6 months pregnant and I'm only 3 months. How sad is that? I just pray no one asks me how far along I am and then is surprised to hear only 3 months. That would be so humiliating.

Other than this I really don't have much to report. I seriously have accomplished next to nothing this past couple of months. And I know if I would update daily or even weekly I would have more to write about so I'm gonna try to do better. That's the story of my life... the line I'm always saying- I'll try to do better. But that's all I can do right? Hopefully with this new life of not vomiting 27 times a day (that might be a slight exaggeration), I'll get my rear in gear and get my life back on track. I need and I know my family does. Most importantly I need to focus on working on my spirituality. I've been lacking and it's obvious. I need the Spirit back and I'm ashamed I've been so lax and sporatic about such eternal principles as prayer and scripture study. I will do better!

Oh and I must report that I love my Baily Bug more and more every day. I honestly feel some days that I love her so much my heart hurts. She is at the funnest stage right now with her talking and learning. She's hilarious too. I need to catch up her journal and when I do that I'll update here. I'm getting quite tired and need my baby sleep. Ciao for now!