Once Again...

Ok... so last time I wrote on here, besides that dumb survey, was about starting fresh- my own personal new year. Well I hate to say it, but that plan didn't go over well at all. Right after that post, there were some major changes that happened in my life. I didn't last with my new BFL challenge for more than a week, even though I was quite motivated to start with. I had a small feeling that I might be pregnant, which is what I used for an excuse to not follow through. It was a very lame excuse... especially when I found out that I was not pregnant. Also, not long after that post, I quit my job. It was in a weird, unplanned and cowardly way. But nonetheless, I quit which is really what I wanted in the long run. It was killing me being away from my baby so much. I know we're in for a long road of struggle and major sacrifice, but I honestly feel that I'm where I need to be- the right place to be- and that is here at home being a mom to my beautiful Baily Bug and keeping my house in order. I have felt so much happier and things have been so much better. I have quickly regained that oh-so-tight bond with Baily and have felt so wonderful being able to keep my house clean, keep up on the laundry, cook dinner... that's right cook. I would be lying if I said I wasn't stressed out any more, but it's on an extremely lower level. Right now my only major stress consists of financial problems. A while ago, Elder Richard G. Scott spoke in General Conference about peace of mind and peace of conscience. It is probably my very favorite conference talk. I felt like he had prepared that talk for me. But he distinguished the difference of peace of mind as having peace from the cares of the world and peace of conscience as having peace from spiritual sin or guilt. He said that we will always have times when there's not a whole lot of peace of mind because that's just how it is living in the world. But he said whether or not we always have peace of conscience is totally up to us. At least this is my interpretation of this talk. So... while I'm feeling stressed about financial matters, worldly concerns, I feel like right now I have a very strong peace of conscience. That doesn't mean I feel like I'm perfect by any means... but I honestly feel that I'm doing my best to live righteously and how I feel is right. I know right now I need to have unshakable and immovable faith in my Savior that I'm doing the right thing in staying home with my baby and putting her and my family first... and that He will help us get through this. That being said, I feel ready to start again with a new fresh start. I know it gets repetitive to hear someone say that they're going to do better or start over time and time again, and that the person who does say it over and over again loses trust or respect, but I feel a little bit of success in that I'm not giving up on my goals. I know this almost assuredly won't be the last time that I'm going to say that I'm starting fresh or having my own personal new yea, but I'm going to try again and hope for the best. So tomorrow will be my new new year. I have the same goals that I mentioned in the previous post, but I have a new determination and motivation to keep them. As for BFL, I plan on starting Monday. I know, I know... it's always Monday with me. But this time I will complete the challenge perfectly. And my standard of perfect for this challenge is to do every work-out and to not cheat once on my diet except for cheat day. I plan on doing more challenges throughout my life and with each succesful one that I complete, the standard for my perfection will be raised. I know it seems like I'm just setting myself up for failure, which is probably true. But I'm going to give it a try. Robert and I are trying to have another baby, but I won't let pregnancy be an excuse any more. I figure that living healthy is the best thing I could do when I get pregnant for my new little one. Of course, I won't be doing it for the weight loss if I get pregnant during the challenge... the purpose will be strictly for health at that point. But until I find out I'm pregnant I plan on going full force with weight loss and confidence as my main goals. I have started re-reading the BFL book for the first time in like 7 years. Talk about a major motivational boost! Wow... now I realize why I've been so passionate about only doing the BFL program as a health routine and not any other programs. It truly is amazing! I also ordered the DVD package with Body of Work, BFL Success Stories 1 and 2, and the BFL Work-Out DVD. I'm way excited for that. I know that will help with the motivation factor which is something I'm going to have to be diligent about maintaining every day of the challenge. So there you have it... a new start and new me. So once again... in about an hour, HAPPY NEW YEAR SARAH!!!